"The penalty I paid just to see her"
I thought we were in this together, but many incidents like this one itself proves me wrong.
I am not worried about being wrong because I have no control over what’s wrong and what’s more wrong.
It was the time when school was off for 12th but that day everyone was informed of that ph. education class which had to take place in two separate rooms by two different teachers. I was always a confused idiot since I never knew what should I do and whatnot.
I decided to opt self-study instead of taking that class and hence I sat somewhere in a corner to be least distracted. But after the arrival of this girl in my way in every way
possible I had no control over myself, it was always her whose absence and presence controlled me.
And this time my heart could no longer resist her absence( as always) and so I couldn’t remain attentive( as always). My mind was troubled and my heart started craving for her. I GAVE UP.
I stood up and started searching her just to sit around her which made me concentrate.
After around a search of 15 minutes, I couldn’t find her. I searched in her classroom,
asked some of the knowns but nothing came out. There was just one place where I could find her and that was in one of those ongoing ph. education classrooms.
I wished me luck, entered, and sat in one of the two classrooms. My bad. She wasn’t there. I hated myself for that shocking-cum-grim luck I just had. I felt crying. I felt running away. I
felt dying in there without her for even one second. It was one of the worst times I had with myself. I mean there was just one reason for me to be happy and it was her, only her.
My stomach digested itself, lungs did breathe the pain I discovered every second, my teeth chewed the tongue, eyes didn’t blink, shaking hands, sweating face, collapsing brain,
all I could see was pain, and pain.
I had questions to ask and decisions to make but maybe it was just then that I was not ready, maybe I wasn’t strong enough to face reality.